I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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