I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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