I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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