Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize