I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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