he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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