I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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