I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize