you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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