The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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