Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize