margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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