remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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