I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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