i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize