Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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