Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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