I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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