U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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