Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize