She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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