Your face is a jimmy john
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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