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We won't sleep together?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
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