You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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