i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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