He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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