after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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