Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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