I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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