Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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