I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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