Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We are all done wearing pants today
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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