I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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