Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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