I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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