I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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