Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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