did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize