you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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