On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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