Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize