he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
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I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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