Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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