dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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