Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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