when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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