And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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