A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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