My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize