Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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